I'm tired with myself. Not with who I am but how I am. With this fear, embarassment, avoiding things, insecurity, cringe feelings, uncertainty, imposter syndrome. If only I could get rid off this all. If I could stand in front of people with all my charisma, without the boundaries. Would it make me conceited? Greedy? Would I forget how hard it is to be the weaker one?
I'm tired with myself. Almost like some teenage girl. But I can easily negate this simple thought. Go further with it. Don't leave on a banal surface, but find the clue. If it's possible.
Home =/= safety. Home = prison.
While sitting at home, you won't come up with a memorable idea, you won't put your life in order. The only thing you can do there is, fall into stagnation, and get addicted to sth. Maybe it's all because of the fact that home usually comes together with family, which comes with bonds, very often literally. I never wanted my home to be my place of work. Turns out I'll spend days far away from home. Go out early and come back just to take a shower and immidietaly go to sleep. Which is good, I guess. Let my home be only a place to sleep. Bless the stream of thoughts, which flows during the journey.
